Author Archives: Molly Reid

…Well there I am, heading to Atlanta, Georgia from California with my Aunt and Mom. I had never once been on a plane, let alone to another state. While the excitement overwhelmed me, I remember being nervous to meet new people and have to discuss my bad intrusive thoughts. As well as, the plane ride itself was going to be terrifying. I constantly heard about planes landing in the ocean, getting lost altogether, (think Bermuda Triangle.. haha), or even crash landing. So down went the Dramamine.

While I had taken a adult sized dose of Dramamine, I still stayed awake for the entire plane ride. Take off, in the air, and landing. I was not at all scared, in fact it was quite fun. My aunt and Mom did not feel the same about it. Both gripped their seats as the flight took off and landed. We arrived at the conference center at the Hilton, got our room and got settled in.

Over the next 4 days I, among others, were involved in a multitude of games, and activities to help us forget the “worry”. With most of my worries stemming around illness and germs, I was split into a similar group of peers. We then went around touching things we wouldn’t EVER touch. These included but we’re not limited to, toilet lids, door knobs, and kitchen counters.

Throughout all these activities, I was still terrified, maybe even more so. But, at the end of all the conference activities I walked away with a knowledge on how to cope. Or even how to tell myself it was just a “worry thought.” This made me such a braver person. I stopped washing my hands as much and my worrying stopped almost altogether for over a year. Or if I was worrying, it wasn’t enough to bother my daily life. This conference really saved me from falling into a deep depression as a child.

Around age 5 my mom started noticing some differences in my behaviors. Right around the time I learned what illness were and about hand washing is when the obsessions started. It began with washing my hands frequently, worrying if others were sick that I was going to get it and if so, it would be the end of the world. While my mother dealt with my otherwise obnoxious obsessions and worry brain, doctors diagnosed me with psychosis and obsessive compulsive disorder. They recommended therapy around age 6 and I visited quite a few in the years to follow.

My mother, being the computer whiz/frugal person she is, researched into my newly found diagnosis. While this was already a difficult time as my little brother was being diagnosed with Autism. She found a program that would essentially send my family to a conference that was supposed to really help with coping and getting through my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

As the time passed approaching said conference, my obsessions grew much worse. Growing up in a conservative, Christian household, every bad thought felt as though God was never going to accept me into heaven (even though I obviously was told otherwise), my “worry brain” continued to feed me bad and sometimes hurtful thoughts. These thoughts, at which I would openly tell my mother. Oh my poor sweet mom put up with so much over those years. Some of my bad worries would stem around things happening in my families lives. It was honestly one of the hardest times of my life that I can still physically feel if I think hard about it.